Toxic Shame Busting Continues!
I posted something on my Meg Happens Facebook page about teaching our daughters it isn’t about being beautiful, but about being real and genuine, bold and confident.
This made me reflect on my own upbringing and how my own mother did manage to teach me this for the most part, but she did it through shaming me.
Looking back, it was the only way she knew how to teach me this important lesson and it was clear that she was once again passing her toxic shame onto me.
For example, she told me from the time I was young, how one of her older sisters got all the love and attention from their parents because she was the ‘most Norwegian‘ looking of the bunch, beautiful with her bouncing blonde curls and big blue eyes.
This sister did choose to internalize this lesson that beauty is most important and sadly, my aunt ended up addicted to heroine, committing desperate acts for drugs and in the end, overdosing and losing her life last year.
I don‘t mean to be inconsiderate by using my deceased aunt as an example, but to use my own personal experience to highlight the important point that being labeled as any one thing is harmful and when it’s all a person knows from birth and it’s only reinforced over time, this leaves little room for growth and true happiness or fulfillment... until and unless they choose to break the cycle and heal these toxic limiting false beliefs.
This is just another clear example of how toxic shame is passed down through generations.
My mom thought she was helping me with her tales of her ‘eurlabetta’ older sister (I’m not sure on the spelling! 🤔) and I heard time and time again about how her sister used her looks to her advantage.
What my mother clearly didn’t understand is that her comments about her sister and my own appearance and her backwards way of making sure I don’t end up ‘conceited’ were actually very harmful to me and although I did in fact grow up not ‘full of myself‘ based on my appearance, I did become very insecure, overly aware and concerned of what people think and deeply shameful about my physical appearance. In hindsight, the hideous sexual abuse I experienced from toddlerhood at the hands of the man she moved us in with didn’t help either. 😂 #realtalk. 🤷♀️
Now, my mother would likely have loads of examples of how good she did and how much better she did than her own mother. In a word, she was pretty clueless to her own toxic shame and that’s why it’s so hard to break the cycle within any family with this shame in the background.
Most often, these people are totally unaware of the effect they’re having because it’s so deeply ingrained in who they think they are, so it’s only natural to pass it onto their children.
Before I chose to get serious about healing on every level, I would find myself subtly passing some of this toxic shame onto my own daughter.. you’d better believed I’ve since nipped that right in the bud! 🙌🏼
I just felt inclined to elaborate a bit on the idea of teaching our daughters in particular that it’s not about appearance, but there is also no shame in feeling confident about your appearance; about being the best version of yourself you can be on all
Yes: be bold, silly, and real! Own your authenticity and unique strengths to make a real difference while you’re on this earth for a short time. 🙌🏼
...Let the toxic shame busting continue! ❤️
**Thanks for reading and be sure to like Meg Happens on Facebook and subscribe to MegHappens.com to receive notifications on future posts! Happy Sunday & Happy Healing! 🙌🏼❤️🙏🏼