I don’t know what this is, but I bet I’ll know by the end.
I guess I’m throwing a bit of a pity party.
I like to think of myself as the anti-victim. The woman who prevailed against all odds. The person who loved herself enough to persevere. Who loved her child enough to survive and then worked my very ass off to thrive.
I did all of that.
But I’m restless today. I’m crawling out of my skin and nothing is helping.
I’ve eaten plenty, I‘m well rested, and I hung out with my favorite people- my husband, daughter and fur babies.
I have no unpaid parking tickets and all of my debts are settled... I’m probably referring to this only because we just watched “Pursuit of Happyness“ as a family. Yes, it’s meant to be spelled that way. I can highly recommend it as a heartfelt watch. You won’t be disappointed! 😘
Guys, I’m restless AF and feel almost like something crazy has to happen to pull me out of it.
Is this what mania feels like? I should know- I’ve been here before!
It’s a full moon tonight and if you know me at all, you know of my history with full moons: they affect me in all the ways that they’re stereotypically destined to: restlessness, jitters, tendency towards unexpected & unexplained behaviors... it’s possible I’ve grown fangs & howled at the moon and just don’t remember... 👹🌕
Know what I think? I think that restless happens, and we don’t always know why we feel the way we do. We can pick at ourselves and over analyze everything to death, and still come up short.
Sometimes the only answer is that there is no answer.
And I think it’s okay.
I think tomorrow is a new day and it will look a lot different than this.
So I’ll try to forgive myself for feeling off and I’ll accept it for what it is: I’m a spirit on a unique human adventure, and it doesn’t always feel good or as I might expect it to feel.
I forgive myself for caring about friends who don’t always seem capable of caring as much as I do.
I forgive myself for possibly *being* that friend who is oblivious to another’s needs.
I forgive myself for feeling so odd and restless and empty, when I know how blessed I am and how far I’ve come.
I forgive myself for being on my third alcoholic beverage of the day even though it isn't even 5 PM. Lol.
I forgive myself for being human.
This might sound to you like a lot of excuses for bad behavior. But as someone who has spent 40 years chastising myself for what I deemed to be faults, this is an honest recognition of my humanness.... because no one is perfect and that pressure is unhelpful.
I accept my imperfections and inconsistencies and my discomfort in my skin today.
Because human happens. And I love me, unconditionally. Something I never had before *I* decided that I am worth it.
And so are you. 🙌🏼👏🏼🙏🏼❤️💪🏼💥
To my fellow human, I love you!!! Xoxo
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