**Warning: Give-a-Fuck Filter is currently broken. There will be cursing 🤷♀️**
I‘m in a shitty mood. I’m hot, my head aches, I’m detoxing from yet another sugar fix yesterday (oops), I’m a bit mad at myself, and I’m wallowing a bit in self pity after an emotional roller coaster couple of days.
The thing is, I’m not ready to talk about it as it’s not my drama alone. But I can write for therapy still, by exploring how much of my shit mood is a choice and how much I can control.
Who am I to silently whine anyway? Woe-is-me: I had a rough day and there are dudes doing construction and I have little privacy in my air conditioned home where I currently don’t have to work thanks to financial stability... my daughter is too cool to hang out with me until we leave for our water park adventure tomorrow. Hard knock life, indeed. 🤔 (that was sarcasm).
It really is kind of funny, though, how when something is bothering us, we almost look for reasons to be irritated and pissed off. Anything to match the turmoil inside.
I have it pretty good these days. What I most want on a day to day basis is to feel well and to have a nice, clear brain after years of sleepless fog and dissociation.
Hell, I’m happy I’m able to feel at all these days. It’s pretty awesome. But with feeling, comes facing certain things and that sometimes sucks SO much ass, dunnit?
Current mood: crappy. I just took a walk in the heat and came back melting and likely smelling like a day old Italian hoagie since I can’t shower due to dudes turning off our hot water to fix som’n. I have a headache, but I also have all my limbs... and a killer rack, even if I’ve gained weight in all the less desirable places. 🤷♀️ ...Just sayin. (Hey, good with the bad, right? 😂)
I‘m putting the ‘think your way to happy‘ test to the test 🧐.
Things that don’t suck, AkA: Happy Shit:
1) Vacation. Vacation was awesome. This tops my Happy Shit List by far.
It has been years since I was able to truly enjoy a vacation and ironically that, too, was in Ocean City, MD. This time, though, we first went to Assateague to hang with the wild horses.
C and I took the plunge and got piercings on the boardwalk one day. She had her ears pierced and I decided on a whim to have my nose pierced. I’d always wanted one but was too worried my body would freak out. It likely would’ve till now. Another true sign of healing. 🙏🏼
The fact that I can hang in the heat with the best of ‘em kicks too much ass to describe. Picture ALL the ass- that’s how much. 💥
I swam in the ocean and got knocked down by some killer waves.. lived to tell about it. 💪🏼🤷♀️😂
In case you were wondering what living my best life looks like. (A bath time troll doll, apparently)
🤣🤣🤣
So many good feels were felt, good food eaten (which is something I could not have enjoyed until now without dire consequence) and good times had by all... especially the 60-something year old guy in the nanner hammock. What it must be like to be so secure in your body.. 🍌👙
Speaking of secure in your bodies:
(I wanted to be envious of these beach babes’ confidence in their teeny weeny bikinis, but I opted to appreciate it via sneaky stalker photography instead. My husband didn’t mind. 🤷♀️)
(How cute is my kid?) ❤️
I was even able to sleep up to six hours per night. Almost unheard of until recently, especially while away from home.
Beach hair rocks! 🙌🏼
Nothing beats getting away, spending time with my mains and doing it in good health.
And I have so much more of that ahead of me. 🤗
Oh shoot... is it working? Am I changing my state simply by changing my thoughts? Once again, I am.
(Pats self on back heartily).
I tell you what: a year ago this wouldn’t have been remotely possible. I often felt ‘trapped’ or ‘stuck’ in my emotions but as with most things, that has calmed tremendously since healing trauma and mind training. I know I sound like a broken record, but it is that important.
My very life depended on it. So don’t hesitate to heal those false beliefs stemming from early on traumas and experiences. It’s so worth it and although it is an ongoing process, this healing thing, it gets easier and easier to recover from icky flashbacky stuff and poopy feelings. Sleep is a helluva lot better, too!
Oh, I got off course from my Happy Shit List.
This is easy:
2) Fluffy Puppers, as my daughter calls our two sweet angel puppies sent from heaven above 😘Also known as ‘Snoogles‘: Carrie Waffles Jr Esquire/Zoomy Bug & Bailey Burger MD/Wiggly Worm. (What? 🤷♀️ You should hear their theme songs).
3) Did I mention SLEEP? Makes all the difference and to those who are having trouble with insomnia, just know that it can change. It can take years, but it can and will get better. I used to be so envious of sleepers, I couldn’t even talk about it. It’s a whole new world. I even nap on occasion! ❤️ 💤 ❤️
4) Nature
I felt a bit like this wilted flower in the sun today and I loved every minute of it.
What heat? No problem. Well done, body. 🙌🏼
I didn’t get any more Nature pics today, but here’s a current creepy bathroom selfie. Just because.
To recap, it is possible to change our state by changing our thoughts and focusing on the positive. Directing any ick energy towards creativity helps, too. Such as this blog post, hot mess or not.
Thanks for helping me pull outta my funk and for letting me say fuck.. a lot! I feel better. 😘
(Current Mood: Less Cranky.) 🥳
Happy Hump Day & Happy Healing! 🙌🏼🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼
(Oop! There’s my other nature pic)
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