As I sit here beside my now-snoring daughter who is under the weather and just got done puking her guts out, I can’t help but reflect on these last months since I’ve written, and just how often I’ve recognized how impactful gratitude has been on my own healing.
It sounds odd that I’d feel grateful while my daughter is ill, but I’ve come to understand that while we we can’t always control things, we sure can control how we react to them, and there is always something to be thankful for.
Of course I’d prefer if she had not picked up the dreaded belly bug, but here are the miracles I’ve found in it since 4 AM this morning:
Mainly bonding: She is at an age (10) when she is figuring out who she is outside of her family, and with that naturally comes some distance. The days of letting me brush her hair and sing her to sleep already feel like a distant memory.
With the sadness comes thankfulness that she is growing into an independent, healthy young lady, and I know how fortunate we are to be able to watch her grow into the person she is becoming.
“..bonding happens at unexpected times..”
It can be difficult to feel as connected as we once did, and bonding happens at unexpected times.
When she tapped me on the shoulder at 4 AM, my momma bear instincts took over as I drew her a warm epsom bath, made her some peppermint tea, grabbed some ginger tummy treats & the bucket, and put soothing music on next to her.
As my nerves sometimes took over with worry that it might be more serious than a bug, almost immediately in my head was:
“Thank you (God) for helping me to see through the lens of love instead of fear. Thank you for helping me to help her without my irrational fears taking over. Thank you for guiding me to do what’s best to ease her discomfort.”
And suddenly I found myself practicing a healing ritual a friend/healer taught me and performed on me just yesterday.
“I felt all worry melt away and divine guidance flow through me.”
I felt all worry melt away and divine guidance flow through me.
It has become second nature now: sometimes it takes a minute to kick in, but ever since opening my heart to sheer gratitude a few years back at the start of my real healing journey, I can feel the warm, healing glow of divine love surrounding me in all situations. The more I feel into this loving light, the more at ease I feel, and proper actions follow with ease.
I no longer live in a constant state of fight-or-flight, and am able to calm my mind and body more than ever before.
When I was at my lowest, I wasn’t sleeping much at all and would lay my delirious, bony body down on our comfy bed to rest, and train myself to find things to be thankful for.
Thank you for this comfy bed and for the ability to stay home and rest today.
Thank you for this healing (which does not feel like healing!)
Thank you for my survival and for guiding me to the most healing.
Thank you for my loving husband and daughter, friends and supporters.
I prayed for others and I prayed for me. Together we would heal.
“.. I held steady in my faith that I was healing..”
I didn’t always mean it when I felt like crusty old dog poo under someone’s shoe, but I held steady in my faith that I was healing, and I pushed out any thoughts to the contrary.
Looking back, my ego was so used to suffering and expecting the worst since early childhood, that it was going to take a lot of ego undoing; healing those false beliefs holding me back from true healing.
Once I threw my hands in the air and felt into my desire to finally surrender my ego and release my fears to The Above, I allowed my fears to ease a bit and prepare me for what was ahead... and it was the most profound and unsettling time in my life. But it was the beginning of True healing, finally.
If you’ve read my earliest blog entries, I don’t have to elaborate. It was a difficult and beautiful time. Yes, I said beautiful. I didn’t feel it at the time, but I did know in my heart that I’d finally stumbled on my answer, and as scary as it was, I knew in my heart that this was it.
“.. knowing is half the battle.”
I knew it then, through the fog and dissociation. Because knowing is half the battle.
KNOW first that you will get well or solve that dilemma plaguing you. Then open your heart to even the most radical solutions and don’t discount anything as a possible answer.
This is how miracles happen; when you believe.
I’m not really sure what came first: the Knowing that I would heal, or the extreme gratitude in my heart. Frankly, I was usually too sleep deprived and unwell to know which way was up!
It’s funny the things I do remember and mainly, I remember thanking God and angels for every sign of healing. In between bouts of excorcism-like flashbacks and just trying to fumble my way through the foggy fight-or-flight that was everyday life.
I recall my friend and healer, Donna, bringing me food and feeding me a smoothie concoction that tasted like heaven, when I’d all but forgotten how to swallow. She performed all kinds of healing techniques that are a blur now; I only know that I always felt slightly lighter afterwards and often her words and that of the divine come to my mind when I need them most.
I remember my daughter making me laugh through the pain and friends, family, and Facebook supporters’ many prayers, for which I’m forever thankful. The power of prayer is everything and I’ll always be a believer 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼.
.. Speaking of my daughter: she just now sleepily stirred and croaked, “My tummy feels better...” and asked me for more story time.. 😅
I’ll end this a bit abruptly here, for my grateful heart is bursting to oblige as I gaze upon the sight before me once again: our sweet ‘healing puppy,‘ Carrie Waffles, snuggling warm & close next to her and radiating her loving energy.
And once again the message permeates my every cell: No matter what you’re going through, keep going and try to find the good, because it is there. Take one moment at a time if you have to and you’ll be amazed one day soon that you’re on the other side. You just have to open your heart and let the healing happen. ❤️❤️❤️
**Thank you for reading and be sure to like my Facebook page Meg Happens & subscribe to MegHappens.com for notifications of new posts, and remember: progress is perfection**