Because Of You
I spent so much of my time drunk on alcohol because of you.
I abused prescription sleep aids and tranquilizers for years in order to escape your torment.
Torment that physically ended 20-some years ago, yet multiplied in its efforts at its tail end until recently.
Torment that choked me awake at night, strangling on your threats of yet more turmoil if I didn’t succumb to your twisted needs.
You stole my childhood and my family relationships, you poisoned my dog so that I could helplessly watch her slowly seize and die.
You stole my innocence and my confidence and my dreams and aspirations.
You stole my life and my health.
“But that was then and this is Now.”
But that was then and this is Now.
Now, I am healing and I can see the Truth.
The Truth is that I chose this soul journey in order to claw my way to the top, to shed all of the layers of fake crud that my ego built around Me to protect itself.
I let go of toxicity: toxic thoughts, foods, chemicals, people...
I let go of you even though you desperately tried to cling onto my withering spirit and you succeeded for decades.
It might have taken me decades, but I see clearly now; I see that you’ve had no real power all along.
It‘s me who has been unintentionally hanging onto that bullshit in order to stay small and remain a victim- the only thing I knew from an ego standpoint.
Thank God for faith and divinity, because looking back I see how many times I’ve been saved from certain death. Saved from debilitating and life threatening illness.
“Saved from myself.”
Saved from myself.
I see now that I‘ve been being guided all along, to healing and resources and earthly angels and answers.
...”If I can do it, anyone can..”
All so that I can stand here today and say that if I can do it, anyone can.
Joy is our birthright and although experiences can alter our joy, they can’t steal it from us forever if we don’t let them.
We can surrender our egos to our higher power and ask for help to heal. We can unwaveringly believe in our own ability to heal and create the life we only dreamed of.
The choice is ours and has been along along.
To my tormenter, I have not yet ‘forgiven’ you and I don’t know if I ever will. To forgive is to forget and I refuse to forget, because you led me to great healing even beyond what might have been had you not first introduced me to hell on this earth.
If I can live through hell and come out the other side embodying my true goddess, if I can heal myself and others, and acknowledge my power in this earthly body at this time, then I can do anything at all that I want.
I choose peace.
I choose love.
I choose to use my power for good.
My power overrides your cowardice and little do you know that your smallness and abuse has created a monster- an all empowering Goddess She-Monster who will proudly go forth and heal thousands. 👏🏼💪🏼🔥
You led me to addiction and disease and evil, and I transformed it all to sheer power. 💪🏼
Now I choose to be drunk on life, addicted to joy. I choose Me. 🥰
I win! 🤷♀️
**For anyone struggling, you will be okay. Take it day by day and pay attention to the guidance being shown to you daily. Have faith and KNOW you are okay. Soon this will be a distant memory**
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Happy Healing! I love you xoxo