I sit on my messy bed, contemplating life,
This moment.
A soft smile forms on my face as it sinks in..
Life Is Good. 🙏🏼🥰
The whoosh whoosh whoosh of the ceiling fan mesmerizes me, as the dogs fart & fight over their stuffed goose inches from my face. 😂
An inexplicable joy fills my heart and my senses, tingling my nerve endings and bringing tears to my eyes and warmth to my heart.
I scan the room.
Clothes drape messily on the drying rack, a stray balloon bobs in the gentle breeze, reminding me of our child’s last birthday weeks ago, a reminder that I’m in no hurry to let go of her youth. Or mine.
Her giggle reverberates even from the other room, imprinting on my heart, which leaps in accordance with the sweet sound.
The Old Me would feel like I were being punished after the last several days I’ve had. I’d have felt slighted for my child’s indifference to my presence instead of understanding of this phase in our lives.
She’s a preteen. All things are game, especially me suddenly becoming the least cool human on earth. 🤷♀️
Instead I notice my curiosity about it all. I feel amused, not slighted. Not bitter. Not less than.
My abdomen aches with the realization that this pregnancy also wasn’t meant to be, as I await more crimson evidence that yet again my hopes for another chance at motherhood has been snuffed out.
Perhaps it hasn’t hit me yet and I’ll be in a heap on the floor later..
I don’t think so, though...
I think I’m beyond that, for I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am held and supported and loved unconditionally, until I no longer inhabit this earth, or take on another form altogether to begin to watch over those who need it.. to help guide them to awakening, as I have been guided.
I know now that I truly do believe that there is a higher purpose for everything that happens and doesn’t happen. No doubt in my mind,
And it is so beautiful. 🤗
I am no longer ashamed of my feelings or of my circumstance. Ever. Nor am I ashamed of sharing my feelings with whomever cares to listen. This is me, now. And this moment is beautiful.
Sharing is beautiful and oh-so-healing.
I have healed more than I would’ve thought possible since I started sharing my truth a year ago.
Gone are the irrational insecurities and false beliefs I developed in childhood and clung to for false safety for decades.
I Am Me. Corny, quirky, complicated me.
I ask you who are reading this, from the bottom of my heart, to share your truth as well, without abandon. Those who don’t receive it well don’t matter.
What matters is those who do, and more importantly, You.
Find that creative outlet if you haven’t already and spew your truth!
You‘ll never want to stop. 😆
I, for one, am listening and waiting. 🤗
We only inhabit this earth in *this* body for a short time; let’s be our genuine, authentic selves.😎🤩🤪🥰🤓 🙌🏼
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
**Thanks for reading even my less-than-perfect entries. 😬 I must say: I love the freedom that comes with sharing, whatever form it takes. I hope your healing journey is going well & I trust that you’ll be guided to the resources you need, as I was, and still am. 🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼
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